Feelings & the cold truth: EP 2
We could get so wrapped up in our feelings that we don’t even have an idea we’re being played. It’s a cold world we live in, right? Well, most times it’s our fault. A lot of girls have been with lots of guys that often twist their minds and leave their hearts broken. I want to tell you a little secret no one has probably never told you- Humans are very difficult species. We don’t know what we want most times which is a part of our flaws. The thing is, guys can get confused too just like some ladies stay stuck in between two guys wondering who to pick. Number one rule is, never get into a serious relationship with a guy that is not emotionally mature.
What do I mean? Emotional maturity would let a guy be honest with his feelings about those he keeps around him. He would also be concerned about building trust. Ladies, if you want something serious with a guy, table it from day one. If you don’t define your relationship, well, you’re wasting your time. It is so important you define your relationship because you’ll definitely meet a lot of time wasters. You’ve to speak up- Tell him if you want a serious relationship or you just want to be around for the benefits.
You can’t blame a guy who wasn’t informed of what exactly you want with him for playing along. Another thing is, some guys might think they actually have feelings for you but deep down it’s just pure sexual urge. I mean, would you also blame him for being sexually active? I know there are guys that don’t actually give a heck and don’t mind playing with your mind. That is why it is important to talk things out from day one. Defining your relationship with him would save you a lot of headaches. Even if the guy is an ass, he would respect you and realize there is no chance for him to waste your time.
Remember; talk, talk, and talk. Social media won’t make you know your prospective partner, you’ve to meet with them in person. It is possible to hide a lot behind the phone but a lot is revealed in person.
Feelings & the cold truth: EP 1
In this part of the world where I live, it’s like a sin for ladies to open up/ confess their feelings to a guy. Let’s be frank, is it a bad thing to be interested in someone and tell the person you like’em? Many girls I’ve spoken to would say it’s bad, the guy would take advantage of you.. bla bla blah. The truth is, personally, I would go nuts for a girl that is bold enough to tell me what’s on her mind. Let’s leave ego aside, some guys are shy- He’s interested in you as much as you’re interested in him but he doesn’t have enough confidence, while the girl on the other hand, feels she’s too top notch or she doesn’t want to get looked down on. Result? Two people acting Romeo and Juliet from a distance.
The ladies should note. There is a huge difference between opening up to a guy and chasing him. There are levels to this thing. What most girls have said about guys looking down on them or taking advantage of them is not as a result of telling him how you feel. You’re getting it wrong because you’re chasing him. As humans, we wish for things we don’t have, it is also in some place in our subconscious to give value to things we don’t see everyday. We feel the farther away, the more valuable it is. So, ladies, never chase a guy. I have fallen into this trap- In my secondary school days, I had this girl that was all on my mind. She was sporty, fine, brilliant, just more than what I imagined. I opened up, told her how I feel about her. Such titillating experience, shit was mind blowing to the extent that I messed it up. I started chasing, then she started withdrawing.
The problem with chasing is, we become too clingy and so selfish that we put ourselves above every other thing in the person’s life when we haven’t even bothered to know if they’re ready to go down that journey with us. Another disadvantage of chasing is the way it makes us feel about ourselves. It can drown your self esteem and belittle your confidence. The best advice I can give to any lady is, never feel too big or cheap to make an effort in getting what you want. Although, what you want might not want you back but at least you tried, instead of holding back and letting your ego kill your confidence.
What can help? Moderate the attention you give him- He has to know the value of your time. Don’t beat around the bush- There’s no guy that doesn’t love to be around a woman who knows what she wants. While it’s okay to feel and fantasize, don’t spill all the juice in one day. Take your time, guys also love adventure- I mean, who doesn’t?
The lie within
‘Hypocrisy’, a word sitting in it’s own democracy. We live with lies everyday, we despise the taste of the truth. Some have even argued that we’re all hypocrites to an extent- It comes with a scale. The common thing we all do is to judge, yet we don’t like to be judged. I’m 100% sure we all have that very unreliable friend that tells us they’d love to hang out but come up with excuses at the last minute, There’s also the person that flaunts his/her friendship with us in public but doesn’t have our contact saved in their phones.
Now, I know what you’re obviously thinking. “That’s mean, I can never do that to anyone” Time and time again, we deceive ourselves. We hate the it when our friends, colleagues or acquaintances don’t deliver or keep to their word but always find a suitable excuse when it becomes our fault. It’s like a self pardon when we are the problem, but when others are at fault, a crucifixion!
Like I mentioned earlier, we are all hypocrites but some people have learned how to bask in it’s nature which is very bad. Self righteousness, high level of egoism is a bad combination, and also part of the attributes of a hypocrite. No one is born this way but sadly, many have developed this negative energy. It starts so little, we might not even suspect it becoming a bad habit- This negativity has caused many friendships, business relationships, even family.
Some people reading this would probably ask; “how can I check if I’m not drowning in this negative type of personality?” The best solution is honesty. When we are honest, we respect ourselves enough not to lie to others. Also we wouldn’t be inclined to think we are better than others or they’re worse than us. Showing respect to others, valuing their time, and not making promises we can’t keep would help.
Although, it’s easier to say than do, I would strongly advise that you keep a routine check of your positive growth. You could do so by asking a friend/ family member. Lastly, no matter how tempting it may be, don’t be quick to shift the blame on others, learn to hold yourself accountable.
sociali spatium gigantis 