There are no perfect relationships. There are no perfect partners. Relationships by their very nature are chaotic, eventful, and challenging (Robert. A. Glover). This has been misinterpreted time and time again, leaving some people stuck in bad relationships.
There’s a popular internet slang called “simping.” This word describes a simp as someone that shows excessive attention/affection toward another person who doesn’t reciprocate the same feelings. Now, not that it is bad to care but giving too much care and not getting the same energy? that’s not cool.
Robert A. Glover said in his book (No more Mr. nice guy!) and I quote: “Caring comes from a place of abundance”. He further explained caring as doing something for someone and not expecting anything in return. Someone that gives naturally can be said to be a Caregiver.
There was also another thing he mentioned which is, Caretaking. Caretaking means caring for someone in hopes of getting something in return.
You would have probably heard of nice guys and how they’re friend-zoned or taken for granted in whatever perceived romantic/sexual relationship. For the record; a lady too can be in this position.
One noticeable trait with a guy or a lady with this “Nice guy syndrome” is, they are givers, they are fixers, and also caretakers.
Dr. Glover also said, caretakers like to avoid conflict and keep in their feelings. This is dangerous for any relationship because communication is the key-ingredient to making things work.
Also, caretakers take care of people because of feelings of guilt and shame. He further explained that people who are caretakers tend to feel unloveable which makes them overly nice to people in hopes of being loved by others.
After seeing the problem, we need to know how to tackle this unfavorable trait. The list below contains things that need to be done to be better at relationships;
- Always look out for your own interest. I mean, never putting yourself at the bad angles of every decision or plan.
- Open up. Some people would say this is bad, but it isn’t. Those feelings, those insecurities, those toxic traits, should be shared with a safe partner.
- Be realistic. When in a relationship, or looking to get into one, don’t seek perfection. It would only cost you your happiness.
- Develop your integrity. You have to create standards of the way you project yourself and what you need in a relationship.
I’ve definitely not said enough. It would be nice if you could go through a book I found very effective. I particularly recommend for guys.
https://archive.org/details/robert-glover-no-more-mr-nice-guy-id-353324692-size-612
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